Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Fear 恐怖 Miedo Peur ความหวาดกลัว Cтрах

I don't REALLY fear this...

or this...

It's more the thought of this...

"It's so nice to wake up in the morning all alone and not have to tell somebody you love them when you don't love them any more."

- Love Poem by Richard Brautigan

or this...

"Many years ago, he had taken the passion he felt for Susan and folded it in half, so he no longer had a drowning, helpless feeling when he glimpsed her beside him in bed: her ropy arms and soft, generous ass. Then he’d folded it in half again, so when he felt desire for Susan, it no longer brought with it an edgy terror of never being satisfied. Then in half again, so that feeling desire entailed no immediate need to act. Then in half again, so he hardly felt it. His desire was so small in the end that Ted could slip it inside his desk or a pocket and forget about it, and this gave him a feeling of safety and accomplishment, of having dismantled a perilous apparatus that might have crushed them both."

- A Visit From The Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

...that keeps me up at night.

I don't want to live a lie because of a lack of courage or let fear eat away at my capacity to love or be loved. Damn Frankie D. for being right on the money when he said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Please bear witness: I'm aiming for present, vulnerable, self-aware, and honest. If I can truly make my peace with fear, it will probably grow bored and decamp, right?

I've heard tell that humans ultimately amount to a combo platter of love and fear (served up in a water bag with a few bones tossed in for good measure). Fear in that scenario being the question, "Can you help me?" and love being the answer, "Yes." Healing being the process of reclaiming via love territory lost to fear in one's life.

So, here's a poultice for those ragged wounds inflicted by fear...

"You're gorgeous, you old hag, and if I could give you just one gift ever for the rest of your life it would be this. Confidence. It would be the gift of confidence. Either that or a scented candle."

- One Day by David Nicholls

(click on pic for god-love music)

Images from the brilliant site, Push The Movement.

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